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10 Ways to Survive Building or Remodeling Your Home
1. Think of the project as a new diet.
Who doesn’t want to lose at least five pounds? This is one way to do
it. Between running to stores all day and evening long, meeting with
contractors, inspecting the work, searching the Western world for
the perfect light fixture, who has time to eat? Provided you don’t
sabotage this new, unorthodox diet plan, with McDonalds drive
through, you’re good for losing five pounds. If you are a
masochistic type who does some of the work yourself – whether it be
painting, laying tile, landscaping the yard – you can count on
another five to ten pounds of weight loss. Just think, you may be
miserable, frustrated, exhausted, and down right cynical about the
good of the humankind, but your
jeans will fit nicely!
2. Write checks as aerobic exercise. These workouts are great
for toning the wrist and fingers. Usually done in hectic spurts as
you race out the door in the morning while the contractors are
breathing down your neck and your kids are beating each other with
the lunch boxes you just prepared, the stress and frantic activity
are sure to raise your heartbeat for a good hour. Grumbling under
your breath that the plumber, electrician, or you name it, isn’t
really worth this much money adds greater intensity and calorie burn
to this little publicized exercise regime.
3. Save money through shopping burnout. Yes, even the most
die-hard shopper will come to dread setting foot in any store. This
affliction starts innocently enough as you go to look for light
fixtures. How hard can it be? Hard! Either the light you want is
being shipped from Yugoslavia and won’t arrive until your youngest
child buys his own home, or you just can’t find the one you want.
You’ll shop every lighting and electrical store you know. You’ll
search Home Depot. You’ll haunt hardware stores. And then there’s
plumbing fixtures. Sink centers, faucet handles, finishes, special
orders. What’s all that about? And the cost. You’d think you were
outfitting the palace for a former third world dictator. Of course,
there’s carpet, tile, hardwood, stairs, siding, windows. Enough
already. And you thought it was a pain picking mints and sweet table
treats for your wedding.
After your 1000th trip to Home Depot (or Lowes or Menards or
whatever), in addition to all the other trips you’ve made for items
that shouldn’t count as shopping (toilet seats, for example), you’ve
had it. Your friends won’t be able to bribe you to check out the
latest sale at Bloomingdales. You’ll think it will be better when
you can pick out “fun” things like paint, wall paper, drapes,
fabric, furniture – but don’t bet on it. At this point, the pressure
to make your home look like something other than an empty rat maze
will counteract any joy in shopping. Spending this much money has
never been such a miserable experience. As a result, when your home
becomes half-way presentable, you’ll refuse to shop again – even for
groceries – for at least six months. The money you save during this
shopping hiatus will be sufficient for you to resume this previously
pleasurable past time once more without guilt.
4. Impress your friends with obscure facts.
Only someone that has built or remodeled their home can explain the
fluid dynamics of a proper toilet water swirl. Or cite the
International Building Code that calls for no more than 6’ between
electrical outlets. Or brag that triple glazed windows are really
the wave of the future for light emitting device technology. See
what I mean? :)
5. Pride yourself on your new creative skills. You’ll discover
a creative side that you never knew existed. Like how to wash dishes
in the bath tub. And how to make a full course meal for a family of
four using nothing more than a toaster and hot plate. Or how to fit
an entire family in a house smaller than your first apartment. They
say that necessity is the mother of invention. That’s probably true,
but I also think that the only thing that separates modern and
pioneer life is just one kitchen or bath remodeling project.
6. Yell at someone other than your kids – and not feel guilty.
Honestly, as a modern woman trying to juggle the running of our
homes, possibly a job, and the future Olympic soccer aspirations of
our children, you have the primal need to yell. At someone. Anyone.
Often our spouse and children suffer from this need of ours to
release pent up negative energy generated from nothing more than
some miniature human leaving smelly gym shoes on the kitchen table.
(Ok, that probably deserves a bit of yelling – we eat at this
table!) But when you remodel your house, you have a whole cast of
characters – and believe me, they’re characters – that often deserve
a good scream from time to time. Like when they tell you that they
tore out the fireplace because they didn’t think it looked right. Or
when they show you a mistake made three weeks ago that now requires
half the house to be torn down in order to fix. Yelling isn’t
immature or a result of too much estrogen, it’s therapy.
7. Throw out (finally) your significant other’s treasured [fill in
the blank] from his bachelor days. You know what I mean. It
could be the semi-nude poster he won’t get rid of. Or his collection
of exotic beer cans. Or all of his Sports Illustrated magazines
since the Chicago Bears last won the Superbowl. Now is the perfect
time to get rid of it. If you need to move out of your house while
the remodeling is done, or you are moving to a new home, such an
opportune time may never occur again. Say it won’t fit in the rental
house. It’s either this or his golf clubs. Gently remind him that
the sentimental item really serves as a reminder of his advancing
years. Anything. Get rid of it. It will be one positive you can
remind yourself of when the stress of remodeling makes you feel that
this project was the biggest mistake of your life.
8. Grow closer to your family through forced bathroom sharing.
The saying goes that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Perhaps
that wise pundit had to share a closet sized bathroom with three
kids and a spouse. In reality, there’s no greater way to create
intimacy in a family than by all trying to get ready for the morning
in the same 7’x 5’ space. You’ll learn new exciting things about
your children – like toilet paper is purely optional for little
boys. You’ll discover that there is no bond quite like the one
created when the entire family brushes their teeth together over the
same sink. You’ll realize why the older generation of your relatives
only washed their hair once a week instead of facing communal
bathroom time. But most importantly, you’ll no longer need to yell
at your kids to hurry up for school – they’re standing right next to
you.
9. Earn free flights from all of your purchases. In what is
admittedly (and somewhat sheepishly) the only practical survival tip
on this list, get an airline mileage credit card. Charge everything
on it – lights, plumbing fixtures, windows, doors, lumber, carpet.
The windows alone can get you close to one free trip. Whether you
decide to share your miles with anyone else in the family or to
escape on your own to a world of quiet solitude and, preferably, an
open bar, is entirely up to you.
10. Hire some good looking contractors and feel like you’re 15 years
old again. Hey, guys get a whole chain of restaurants and bars
where the main attraction is busty waitresses in tight t-shirts
(Hooters). Why can’t us gals have some eye candy once in a while?
Besides, it’s a productivity tool. You’ll be more likely to inspect
the job or meet the architect if some young, fit, good-looking men
are there – especially in the summer months when shirts tend to
become optional. For example, we once hired a roofing crew of male
model wannabees for a house we built. My husband called them the
“Beefcake Roofers.” They created quite a stir in the neighborhood
that summer. Let me tell you, it made rushing to stop by the house
to go over notes with the trades first thing in the morning a bit
more interesting … and much more fun!
Finally, remember, the end result of your new house will be worth
the aggravation of the process. Plus, think of all the good stories
you can tell!
About the Author: D. Benjamin is the owner of
iapsales.com LLC - a family business specializing in HVAC products. We
are distributors of
Qmark Heaters,
electric tankless water heaters,
bathroom heaters,
patio heaters, electric heaters,
portable air
conditioners & electric towel warmers. Shop on line at
www.heateroutlet.com for these great home improvement products.
Iapsales.com LLC was established in 2003 and is the sister company to
Innovative Air Products located in historical Exeter, NH. We are a 2nd
generation manufacturers’ rep firm dedicated to providing residential &
commercial heating, ventilation and air-conditioning equipment. We offer
a great selection online at the lowest prices anywhere. We can also be
found on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube